Edit – well it is now mid-July and although appendix 1 and 2 were written in May I had never gotten around to publishing them or writing more – so much has happened in that for the most part life is back to it’s blissful norm and I am loving it! But for the sake of completely moving on – so these ‘update’ posts will occassionally make an appearance….for now….
For the longest time I have been struggling with trying to figure out what to write here. As I described before, I got so tired during my radiotherapy treatment that the thought of trying to put into words the process and how I was managing everything, just all seemed too much – the longer I left it, the harder it became to come back and write about my progress.
Then once I finished my radiotherapy treatment my thoughts were, ok so now it is all over and I have nothing to write. Now I realise how wrong I was. It is hard to describe all of the feellings that have been whirling round my muddled brain these last few months but as I have come to realise that this journey is not yet at it’s end, so I also realise that this place, this space still serves a purpose. I am not entirely sure in my own mind that I know what that purpose is. Is it for example a place for me to vent and have somewhere to come to in order to get all my worries and anxiety out of my system without feeling as if I am boring those closest to me and taking liberties with how long they are willing to continue listening to my story? Is it for me to describe in a practical and an emotional way all that has and is still happening with the thought in mind that someday someone whoever finds themself on the same path can know that they are not the only one? Or is it a personal diary that I just happen to share in public so that those that know me and those who don’t can try and keep up with what on earth is going on in my head at any one time without me having to try and articulate it when I don’t really understand it myself!
I guess at the end of the day it is all of these things. The presumption is, that once you walk out of your last hospital appointment, that you are cured, that you are ‘all better’, recovered, cancer free, done and dusted. Before going through this myself I guess that is what I believed when reading about breast cancer. Life goes on, of course it does. Life is wonderful and of course it is so much better now that I have finished the active part of my treatment. But the journey does continue, and there is more of this story to tell.
So these next few posts will be the appendices – until I get up to date and back on track! The other thing that I hope to do is also to begin putting in highlighting some of the websites and resources that have helped me over the last few months for anyone who needs them or would like to pass them on to someone else gonig through similar experiences.