The story continues….. appendix I

Edit – well it is now mid-July and although appendix 1 and 2 were written in May I had never gotten around to publishing them or writing more – so much has happened in that for the most part life is back to it’s blissful norm and I am loving it! But for the sake of completely moving on – so these ‘update’ posts will occassionally make an appearance….for now….

For the longest time I have been struggling with trying to figure out what to write here. As I described before, I got so tired during my radiotherapy treatment that the thought of trying to put into words the process and how I was managing everything, just all seemed too much – the longer I left it, the harder it became to come back and write about my progress.

Then once I finished my radiotherapy treatment my thoughts were, ok so now it is all over and I have nothing to write. Now I realise how wrong I was. It is hard to describe all of the feellings that have been whirling round my muddled brain these last few months but as I have come to realise that this journey is not yet at it’s end, so I also realise that this place, this space still serves a purpose. I am not entirely sure in my own mind that I know what that purpose is. Is it for example a place for me to vent and have somewhere to come to in order to get all my worries and anxiety out of my system without feeling as if I am boring those closest to me and taking liberties with how long they are willing to continue listening to my story? Is it for me to describe in a practical and an emotional way all that has and is still happening with the thought in mind that someday someone whoever finds themself on the same path can know that they are not the only one? Or is it a personal diary that I just happen to share in public so that those that know me and those who don’t can try and keep up with what on earth is going on in my head at any one time without me having to try and articulate it when I don’t really understand it myself!

I guess at the end of the day it is all of these things. The presumption is, that once you walk out of your last hospital appointment, that you are cured, that you are ‘all better’, recovered, cancer free, done and dusted. Before going through this myself I guess that is what I believed when reading about breast cancer. Life goes on, of course it does. Life is wonderful and of course it is so much better now that I have finished the active part of my treatment. But the journey does continue, and there is more of this story to tell.

So these next few posts will be the appendices – until I get up to date and back on track! The other thing that I hope to do is also to begin putting in highlighting some of the websites and resources that have helped me over the last few months for anyone who needs them or would like to pass them on to someone else gonig through similar experiences.

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About gillianleesmith

A lifetime fascination with storytelling, history, fairytales and folklore, has led me to create imagery based on the everyday whirling mind of a person who does not always wish to be rooted in the realistic present. Themes of times gone by and reminiscence are especially evident in my designs and my work often delves into the expression and characterisation of our human nature, which we may hide away and only ever glimpse at when prompted by a reflection of our inner selves. My character sculptures in particular are a nod towards my own imaginations, avid reading and childhood dreams. They are a way of seeking the perfect representation of our character. Each tells an original tale, with a single image that endeavors to embody a whole life story in an uncomplicated way. My most recent work begins to explore ‘dwelling places’, a place where we can truly be content and again the setting that truly represents our character and history. Each material used is carefully chosen to create layers of texture incorporating textiles, paper, paint, hand painted imagery and meticulously detailed hand embroidery. The combinations of varying media help me to create many layers and textures, which are evocative of the memories and history that is integral to my work. Graduating from Edinburgh College of Art in Performance Costume in 2005, I have since been working on my own creations as well as teaching workshops with community groups. More recently, I have been coordinating a project involving reminiscence work with older people. This has been a huge source of inspiration to my latest artwork and themes of memories, dreams and childhood.
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