The story continues …. appendix 2

Edit – well it is now mid-July and although appendix 1 and 2 were written in May I had never gotten around to publishing them or writing more – so much has happened in that for the most part life is back to it’s blissful norm and I am loving it! But for the sake of completely moving on – so these ‘update’ posts will occassionally make an appearance….for now….

Just a wee note – I got so behind in keeping up with this blog that I these posts are catch up posts and so are invariably long and possibly a wee bit long-winded! Hopefully once I am all caught up they will be a bit easier to read and not quite so waffly! Thanks for your patience. x

So where did I leave things? I guess the last real post about my treatment was this one – a few weeks post surgery, just newly married, having started my hormone treatment and awaiting a start date for my radiotherapy treatment. That is a very quick summary of where I was at! So this post – the hormone treatment!

I have struggled all along since starting my hormone treatment. a once a month injection of zoladex – well perhaps injection is not really a great description of it – it is really a whopping great needle putting a pellet into my tummy which hurts like hell! Apparently the fact that I have a bit of ‘padding’ around the tummy area means that it shouldn’t be so bad so for once I thank my lucky stars that I am not a model size 8, 6 or whatever the ideal size is for my diminutive height.

Anyway – that lovely dose of hormones has the delightful effect of turning me into either a sobbing mess or a screaming monster for anything up to 3 to 5 days after. Wonderful. I have taken to trying to convince Mark that he would be better to plan weekends (or a week, or half the month?) with friends after every fourth thursday as I desperately hate the person I become during that time. He is a glutton for punishment though and is sticking it out so far – poor soul. I am sure there are those out there that thing PMT is a myth, an excuse for a woman to have a few days a month where etiquette and niceties can fly out the window and a demanding, explosive, irrational being can take the place of a formally relatively normal human being. Although this is not PMT (as I am now in the menopause – albeit a drug induced ‘fake menopause’) that I am going through, I think the effect on mood and emotions is pretty similar, although in my experience it is multiplied by 10. It is horrible, I become horrible. Thank goodness that as I am writing this I am about to have my 9th injection. As I am on zoladex for 2 years I am already over a third of the way through!! Although that is in itself something to celebrate, such is the impact that it has on my life I am in the same breath cursing the fact that I still have 15 to go. I am never one to wish my life away, infact I am constantly acutely aware of how fast the days go and that I want to grasp every moment and experience it fully, but bloomin heck I will be celebrating on the day that I have my final zoladex injection!!

PS – if you would like to read more about zoladex there is a very medical description here (also describing it’s uses in men with prostrate cancer as well as in the treatment of woman with endometreosis). Macmillan cancer website have a much more user friendly description and information of zoladex here.

I should also add that the effects that I have had with zoladex are my own personal experience and not necessarily the same for everyone. Perhaps I am just a wee bit loopy anyway and this has just brought out the worst in me!


About gillianleesmith

A lifetime fascination with storytelling, history, fairytales and folklore, has led me to create imagery based on the everyday whirling mind of a person who does not always wish to be rooted in the realistic present. Themes of times gone by and reminiscence are especially evident in my designs and my work often delves into the expression and characterisation of our human nature, which we may hide away and only ever glimpse at when prompted by a reflection of our inner selves. My character sculptures in particular are a nod towards my own imaginations, avid reading and childhood dreams. They are a way of seeking the perfect representation of our character. Each tells an original tale, with a single image that endeavors to embody a whole life story in an uncomplicated way. My most recent work begins to explore ‘dwelling places’, a place where we can truly be content and again the setting that truly represents our character and history. Each material used is carefully chosen to create layers of texture incorporating textiles, paper, paint, hand painted imagery and meticulously detailed hand embroidery. The combinations of varying media help me to create many layers and textures, which are evocative of the memories and history that is integral to my work. Graduating from Edinburgh College of Art in Performance Costume in 2005, I have since been working on my own creations as well as teaching workshops with community groups. More recently, I have been coordinating a project involving reminiscence work with older people. This has been a huge source of inspiration to my latest artwork and themes of memories, dreams and childhood.
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